Side One, Ep.2 "Double Dog Dare"

[Philip Overby]

I blink. "Where am I? How did I get here?" Hmm...must be sleep walking again.

Wait, what the hell is that? Is that you, Barn God, Ruiner of Farms and Fields?

Oh, the carnage. I shall have to add to it.

I'm going to hurl my shiny new boomerang at this barn-thing. I mean if I can't hit the broad side of a barn then maybe I should just give up?

 

[Noma Galway]

That's a big barn, and it seems angry. I munch a cake-pop and sing to endow Fenella's sword with the power of wind.

 

[Ruby]

Fenella:

I use Mariya's power of wind. I raise my sword and attack the big barn. Yay! Into battle we go!

 

[Legendary Sidekick]

((Diana and Paul hit, too. Also, note Fenella's legs dangling by Addison's arrow-count. She's on the roof, and I have her seated on the edge just so she is on-screen. Of course, Mariya is with her.))


As Vincent questions Barney's reason for sparing the trees, the self-proclaimed god replies, "TREES ARE GROWTH. THE GOD OF FARMING WILL SPARE ALL PLANT LIFE." He winks at Riff.

Riff takes pity on the man-turned-monster, but also takes a swing at him. However, the glowing eyes are further into the hay loft than they appear.

"FEISTY GODDESS," Barney replies with a laugh.

He grabs the giant fairy. "MARRY ME." As he squeezes, Riff grows smaller, leaving her only a third of the size since her transformation.

Jei sends a jay arrow around her big sister, into Barney's eye. A grunting sound from the hay-beard confirms a hit. But the monster continues to speak.

"YOU AND I AND THE PLANTS IS ALL THE WORLD NEEDS."

Reaver decides his word must be kept. George agrees, "Yes, yes, Mister Samurai Reaver. See, Mr. Needle? Rational minds will prevail." But this proves easier said than done, as Reaver suddenly finds himself surrounded by bright sparks. The protective bubble leaves Reaver unharmed by what would surely have been devastating.

Jei hears the loud zapping sound and sees streaks of lightning shoot past her on the right, but whatever trap Reaver set off was not quite close enough to her.

George stops in his tracks.

"I SEE YOU FOUND MY ELECTRIC FENCE," Barney says as he takes a swipe at Paul...

...which is easily deflected by Diana's shield.

Barney laughs it off as he says, "YOU MISUNDERSTOOD MY WISH TO BE ALONE. I DO NOT INTEND TO LET YOU WALK AWAY. YOUR PRESENCE IS BLASPHEMY, PUNISHABLE BY DEATH." He kicks a corpse, sending it face-first into a tree. "ESCAPE IS NOT POSSIBLE. I WILL RID THE WORLD OF ALL HUMANS, STARTING WITH YOU. THE HUMANS' IDEA OF PROGRESS IS WHAT DESTROYED THE OLD WORLD. THE SAME WILL NOT HAPPEN TO THIS ONE."

Vincent had already made up his mind to fight as soon as Jei fired her arrow. The purple flame is finally around his fists. He soars, striking what passes for the jaw, engulfing the hay-mustache in flames. He stands in the hay loft, still surrounded and protected by purple flames.

Paul's attack on the leg is weak, but Diana's is not. Loose pieces of hay fly from her cut, as if the monster is bleeding. "Say... yer goooood," the lumberjack says to the shield maiden. "Now I know why's Pa sez don't mess with you mountain girls. Er... ma'am."

Babe knocks away a chunk of beard with his axe. "Yee haw!" The smile remains on his face as he watches PJ's boomerang cut through hay. The brawler catches the odd throwing weapon with ease.

Shan Mai mentions fire. Within seconds, there is a large explosion at the back of the barn. Jei and Shan Mai now the stealthy Addison dashing toward them from behind the barn.

Muziko holds a note, but when Mariya sings, her song immediately sends Fenella into the air. The amazon gives her blade a mighty thrust, sending her through the broad side of the barn. A gust of wind carries her and her muse through the roof, and flames from Vincent's and Addison's attacks follow. There is a loud roar from the flames and another from the monster.

George's expression is grim. "Well... even if Barney's burning to death, we're trapped by his magic fence. What're we gonna do?"

Barney's answer. "YOU WILL DIE."

As Vincent hears the word 'die,' he begins to feel the heat of his own flames.

"Like hell we will," says Paul. "C'mon, ever'one. If'n our blades chop off his feet, he can't go steppin' all over us."

Babe draws back his axe for another swing. "Time to hit the hay," he says badassily.

 

[Ireth]

Vincent

The magical fire seems to be protecting me from the non-magical blaze. I stay where I am, deeming it safest, at least for the moment. Barny can't grab me from here if his hands are full. But no doubt I'll need to test my agility when the building starts to fall.

On second thought... it's getting hot up here. I should get out of the kitchen, so to speak. I jump down, hoping for a soft landing. ((Agility check?))

Diana

I aim another blow at the barn-monster's leg, hoping to deepen the wound. This has to end, and I'd rather it be sooner than later!

 

[Reaver]

It appears that this hay-monster wishes to kill us all. What a foolish beast! I move toward the creatures right leg ((Left side)) and attack.

"You're no god! You're an overgrown child!"

 

[Legendary Sidekick]

Vincent lands safely from the barn, suffering only minimal burns.

((@Ireth, go ahead and attack as well.))

 

[Ireth]

Vincent

I hiss in pain and swat out any flames clinging to my clothes, then turn to face the barn again. This time I'll keep my distance when fighting with fire!

I let the fireworks spell charge, keeping my eyes on my enemy.

 

[Legendary Sidekick]

Muziko releases her spell song...

...granting protection to all of her allies, as well as the ability to fly!

Addison says, "What the hell?"

And wings the arm.

Paul and Babe are also startled by the sudden flight.

"Great horny toads!" says Babe.

Paul says a cuss word.

Addison floats close to Jei and says, "You wanna burn'im, grab a flamingo feather from me quiver."

 

[JRFLynn]

Riff

My fist swipes harmlessly through his hay-brain, before being scooped up like a daisy. I find myself in the monster’s clutches, shrinking with each squeeze. Meanwhile, fire splashes near me and burns up his bedraggled mustachio. “AAAH! JEIJEIJEEEEI?!”

Poor Mr. Needle. He’s rather sweet in an evil, vengeful-barn, sort of way. Of course, I’m too busy screaming my head off to really take his proposal seriously.

I thrash to get free, hopefully these limbs haven’t lost their power!

Jeisera

“You’re dead! DEAD!” Seeing red, my guts twist at the sight of that THING’s grubby hay-paws all over Riff!

Hearing her pale shrieks has me blind to everything else, though sparks fly by and fire engulfs the scene. I pull back another arrow, aim for that grim looking eye, with murder on the mind!

Eat my Jay you devil!

 

[Legendary Sidekick]

Riff remains trapped in the claw-grip. Luckily, her wings are not crushed, and Barney's words explain why he makes no attempt to crush the fairy either:

"LISTEN TO REASON, MY LOVE."

Well, they sort of explain...

"CONJURE A FOREST RAIN, GODDESS, SO THAT THE ONLY FIRE WILL BE THE HEAT OF PASSION. AS OPPOSED TO THE FLAMES CLIMBING UP MY BACK. AND FACE. FFFFFF! FFFFFFFFFFF!"

His attempt to blow out the fire on his mustache fans the flames instead. He makes another equally futile attempt to win the fairy's heart:

"LOVE IS BLIND?"

An arrow hits him in the eye.

 

[SeverinR]

Quick draw strike to the nearest leg or to body if that leg is already destroyed,

 

[Noma Galway]

"We need to get down," I say to Fenella, then I sing, but the heat has caused my voice to crack. I hold the note this time, hoping that when I release it it will hit this monster with lightning.

 

[Ruby]

Fenella:

I'm not sure whether to use my secret weapon. I look down at my Ruby Slippers and click my heels in the direction of our enemies...

I look down at the barn.

It looks like there are several orcs submerged in the hay. The hay itself is moving inside the barn, bundled thick and tight like several giant snakes. The "snakes" are climbing the walls, writhing on the floor, and constricting or consuming the live orcs.

 

[Legendary Sidekick]

Shan Mai's attack is particularly devastating, but all of our human heroes hit their marks, other than Babe and Vincent—though, like Mariya, Vincent is preparing to unleash a powerful spell.

Muziko's defensive magic is quite powerful, granting both flight and protection. In addition, the bubbles release a sticky substance when popped, which Barney first discovers when attacking Diana [9]. Enraged, he tries club Reaver over the head. He clenches his fist, with Riff still trapped in his mighty grip. All that is seen from this attack is a pink SPLAT, and the fairy is gone.

"WHAT HAVE I DONE! MY GODDESS! MY LOVE! HUMANS! DESTROYERS! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS BLASPHEMY!"

But Riff is unharmed. Addison sees the tiny fairy fluttering by. "Careful, Shortcake," she says to the fairy. "I don't wanna see you get squished for real."

Ruby manages to attack the enemy's face, but when she clicks her slippers, all they do is sparkle bright red, and continue to emit red sparks.

The flames start to spread, and Barney seems to struggle with the pink, sticky stuff on his arms. A pounding from his insides accompanies his panicked expression.

"I AM THE EARTHLY GOD OF WHICH THE PROPHETS SPOKE! DO NOT DEFY ME, YOU MONSTERS!"

 

[Ireth]

Vincent

"You are the monster!" I shout, and release my spell.

I hope the others are fast enough to move aside. If the flames pop the bubbles while they're in midair, that could really hurt!

 

[Noma Galway]

I release my lightning spell to try to hit right at the barn's teeth.

 

[Legendary Sidekick]

((@Noma, Ruby, Mariya and Fenella need agility checks. Their bubbles have been popped by the fireworks spell!))

 

[Noma Galway]

((ACK!))

 

[Legendary Sidekick]

((I typed Agility, but forgot the "#"—but since it says [16] in brackets, it's a 16.))




Muziko sees Mariya's little arms flailing as she drops from the sky.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Muziko flies her bubble under Mariya, catching her. She floats away from the burning barn.

"That was close!"