Side One, Ep.2 "Double Dog Dare"

[Ireth]

Diana

An orc aims a fist at me, and I barely raise my shield in time. But no sooner does the blow glance off my shield than the orc is encased in ice! This must be the Maiden's blessing at work. I seize the opportunity to strike my frozen foe before it can thaw.

((I don't see Vincent on the map, but I'll roll and post for him anyway.))

Vincent

I grind my teeth in frustration at the failure of my attack. Maybe this one will hit. I aim at the nearest orc ((the aqua-haired one?)), trying to focus...

Again, a feeble, fire-less punch. I shouldn't let my anger get the best of me.

 

[Reaver]

The over-sized faerie smashes the pink-haired orc into jelly, showering me in bits of pungent viscera. I wipe the putrescence from my eyes and attack the aqua-haired orc who attempted to hit me:

The foul orc blood still running down my face affects my attack and I am enraged by this. Stupid Fae!

 

[SeverinR]

Shan Mai flips a cleaver at the orange orc that came from behind the barn.

It looks to be a good throw.

He charges towards that orc to finish it off if need be. Prepare a quickdraw attack when he gets to a target.

 

[Noma Galway]

I recover from my fit of the giggles long enough to sing a low note, calling a single bolt of lightning to hit the blue orc.

 

[Legendary Sidekick]

((Only orcs in shades of blue still live.))

Babe misses. Paul hits, but not hard.

Addison has her eye on the frozen orc. She imagines her arrow smashing the frozen beast to pieces… but Diana's sword does that on its own.

Oh, well, she thinks to herself as she finishes the green-haired orc.

((Typo la vista… baby.))

It doesn't smash to bits, but Addy is satisfied just the same.

As for Muziko, she runs as fast as she can, creating protective bubbles around Babe, Reaver and Vincent as she taps each ally on the leg. She leaps on top of Diana's head, creating a bubble around her as well, and settles down in the shield matron's soft hair.

 

[JRFLynn]

Riff

“Ewwww…” The monster crunches beneath my feet, spraying blood everywhere. My feet are all sticky, and the squishy feel between my toes brings up the bile. Ugh! Squeamish, I see the samurai below named Reaver get splashed with said viscera. Not a pretty picture. He shakes his fist, but I can’t hear anything over the howls of dying orcs.

THEN, a silly indigo orc gnaws on my leg, but I don’t notice at all. Still, I get very, very miffed! How dare he bite me, do I look like a drumstick?! I kick that smelly orc with all my might!

Jeisera

This is my kind of action! However, Riff’s idea of “helping” may not be as helpful as she thinks. Seeing her drenched in blood and gore is pretty disturbing too…

“Durn it, RIFF! Be careful!” I growl, seeing a stupid orc chewing away on her ankle.

Pulling back a robin arrow, I target the indigo piggy just as she swings her mammoth leg.

 

[Legendary Sidekick]

Short work is made of the orcs. Diana shatters her opponent, Addison and Paul take one down together, Shan Mai splits a skull with his cleaver, and as Jei avenges her sister with an arrow, Riff finishes her assailant with a kick to the lower skull. The orc flies high in the air and can be heard landing in a distant tree.

Suddenly, the ground starts to shake. The two remaining orcs panic, but they are too late. Hay starts pouring out of the barn—through its floor and walls. Claws protrude from the hay arms and scoop up the orcs as a pitchfork would scoop manure. The hay loft opens, and some hay slides out of there as well.

Glowing eyes shift from one snorting, flailing orc to the other. Then they survey…

"PEOPLE!"

Panic-stricken, George backs away, but he makes a futile attempt to calm the monstrosity. "B-B-Barny? Is that… th-that you?"

The toothy hay face replies. "I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE!"

Paul takes a step back. "T-take it easy, M-Mr. N-Needle."

 

[Ireth]

Vincent

I step back hurriedly as the barn moves, and something inside it speaks. George and Paul speak with it, and I decide to try my own hand at reasoning with it.

"Now, now," I say, smiling and raising my hands in a peaceable gesture. "We don't want any more fighting, do we? Once we're done with the orcs -- or you're done with them, whichever -- we'll leave you alone. Right, friends?" I look to the others, my smile growing a bit strained. I hope this works!

 

[Reaver]

I add to what the young magician has already said. "We do not wish to fight you. We will leave you in peace."

 

[Ireth]

Diana

After reading the others' lips to get a sense of what on the flat earth is going on, I nod in agreement and sheathe my sword as a gesture of goodwill. I have my doubts that this will work, but there's no harm in trying, right?

 

[JRFLynn]

Jeisera

"EH?!" My mouth falls open. Is it a man-barn, or a barn-monster? Cautiously, I lower my bow, though it takes some persuading. I try to use my instinct to figure out what the heck this thing is.

I can't make it out, too jarred by its sheer absurdity. Is this really the drunken hermit we came to save? Must've been some bad moonshine.

Riff

"We're very sorry for the mess." I add. I'm sure there is a perfectly good explanation for this. Look at me. I'm a giant, bloody-addled Pixy. I could well pass for a monster. Hopefully, he'll forgive us for waking him up? Mr. Needle seems a bit grouchy...

 

[Legendary Sidekick]

"YOU DON'T WANT TO FIGHT…"

Barney strokes his hay beard, looking about as contemplative as a person made of a barn and hay possibly can.

"YOU DON'T WANT TO BOTHER ME…"

The orcs squeal as Barney tightens his grip around their waists. One gags and writhes as an internal organ is forced through his gritting fangs.

"YOU SAY YOU WILL LEAVE…"

He throws an orc at Vincent.

Diana and Vincent are forced back as their protective bobbles pop from the flying orc. The orc's head is mashed beyond recognition the moment he hits the ground.

"YOU FAIL TO RECOGNIZE ME FOR WHAT I AM…"

He whips the other orc at George.

The orc sails over Shan Mai's head. The foreman is splashed with blood as the orc lands next to him, but the man is unharmed.

"I AM A GOD," he says to Riff as he steps forward, crushing the head of a fallen orc. "THE GOD OF FARMING! AND LOOK AT YOU, FAIRY. NO LONGER A MOSQUITO IN A DRESS, YOU ARE A GODDESS. THE TREES BELONG TO YOU, FOREST GODDESS. DESTROY THE AX MEN AND THEIR LEADER, AND NO MORE HARM WILL COME TO THE TREES."

Behind him, the tree carrying a dead orc collapses.



((Next GM post scheduled for Wednesday))

 

[Ireth]

Vincent

Despite my shock and growing horror, I call out to the barn-thing. "If you are the god of farming, where are your subjects? Why have you let the forest grow around you? Should it not be cleared and turned to farmland, the better to appease you?" I'm treading on thin ice here, but what else can I do? I don't want anyone else to be harmed.

 

[JRFLynn]

Jeisera

“RIFF! Back away! The hermit-barn is crazy!” I shout, knocking an arrow. My eyes remain fixed on this warped abomination. My gut tells me to attack, but what can my pointy-sticks really do against a farm-god?

Riff

Mr. Needle’s declaration surprises me, clearly he’s delusional. I stand firm, though, I won’t back down!

Vincent tries to speak with him, but deep down I doubt he's a god. A true god wouldn't urge me to murder innocents, or even a fly.

What should I do? Something about this seems odd. Very odd. Why would he want me to kill George? Hasn’t the poor fellow been through enough? Jei is right, he’s insane…but not of his own doing. There’s dark magic at work here! Feels familiar too!

“Me, a goddess?” My eyes wander around to the brave souls below, my new comrades. The atmosphere is tense, how will this end? Grimacing, I ball my fists. “I don’t know what’s got a hold of you, but you’re wrong about me. Dead wrong!”

We have to save him! There must be a way!

“Don’t worry, I’m going to fix you, Mr. Needle!” I yell. “even if I have to kick your teeth in!”

I swipe my fist at his massive eye.

Uh oh…

Jeisera

“RIFF?!” There she goes, meddling again! She’s over her head!

Zipping back a bluejay arrow, I aim for the monster’s eyeball-socket-whatever.

 

[Ireth]

Vincent

Oh, it's down to fighting again, is it? I clench my fists. I hate to have to do this, but if it's the only way... Maybe some Angel Fire will knock some sense into the creature. Or subdue it, so it doesn't harm anyone else.

I launch myself into the air, just as Emma Bison taught me. My coat billows like the wings of my namesake. My stomach plunges. Flight is wonderful.

I am glory. I am grace.

Magical flames ignite around my hands.

I am fire.

I aim my flaming fists for the barn-creature's left eye. ((Right according to the screen))

Diana

The others move to attack, but I would sooner defend. The monster is furious at the lumberjacks most of all. I move in front of the one nearest me, becoming a wall of pure protection should the barn see fit to hurt him.

 

[Reaver]

I decide to keep my word and leave this creature in peace.

 

[Legendary Sidekick]

Sidekicks attack!

Muziko sings from atop Diana's head. Paul swings at the monster's leg, while Babe goes for the beard with much more success. Though our heroes lost track of the stealthy Huntress, Addison is in the fight readying her arrow, confident it will hit its mark.

((Another 20… damn, she really is an awesome warrior!))

 

[SeverinR]

"When a barn is more of a bother then useful, my people always torched the barn, they never lasted long. Anyone have a flame?"

 

[Ruby]

Fenella: My muse and I are safe within our bubble, but things are exciting, dangerous. Should we use our secret weapon and can we attack from within a bubble, I wonder?

 

[Legendary Sidekick]

((@Ruby, yes, you can attack from the bubble. The bubble will pop if you are hit, meaning the next attack to hit you will be harmless.))