Is it ever okay to lie?

[Reaver]

I think that most people would agree that honesty is a very important factor in any healthy relationship; it certainly is to me. Today my girlfriend told me a HUGE lie that she has to know that I know isn't true. So my question to you, my fellow Mythic Scribes, is this: When you're dealing with someone you REALLY care about, is it ever okay to lie? I'm not talking about the proverbial "little white lies" that don't really do any harm. I'm talking about the big ones. The ones that can end relationships and cause pain. I thank you in advance for your responses.

 

[Graham Irwin]

Well, it's all an illusion, isn't it?

If you can live with the lie, that's your choice to do so.

 

[sashamerideth]

It depends on the severity and importance of the matter lied about. Relationships are built on mutual trust, and acceptance ... if it's a big lie you've got some problems to work through.

Sent from my Blade using Forum Runner

 

[Reaver]

@Graham Irwin: I'm not quite sure what you're referring to by "it's all an illusion". Perhaps you can clarify for me?

@sashameridith: Well, the lie was of severe importance and was pretty big. I feel that the next few days are going to be extremely stressful. Thanks for your input.

 

[The Blue Lotus]

Depends on why she lied and what she lied about.


Trust is important in a relationship. You have to ask yourself "Do I want to be in a relationship where we don't trust one another enough to tell the truth."

Once the trust is gone you will forever be asking yourself Is she really going out with her friends tonight? Is that guy @ work honestly just a co-worker? Does this shirt look as good on me as she said it does?

I can't tell you what to do. And since we don't know the scope of the lie it is harder for us to gauge how to respond. Though I can understand your not wanting to air your laundry here.


Some times you can work through these things if the lie is small.

Case in point: Hubby wanted to go to vegas for a bachlor party. I said go for it!

The lie: I could not sleep one night and at 2 am his phone went off. I looked at the caller id because @ that time of night it is usualy bad news. The name was one of our friends, his wife had just had a kidney transplant so I got worried. Hit redial... but the number was wrong, figured it was a work number. That is until some chick answered. I said hello she hung up on me. Then a txt came in. "someone called me I'm in vegas are you here yet?"

I'm thinking booty call. right... (I would not be "working through" that I can assure you!)

Got some ice water and woke him up where I began a 4 hour screaming fest.


First he said I don't know where the number came from.


Then after I pointed out that it was saved under our friends name and called the person back he said his friend had him save it to hide it from their GF. So I called the friend and woke them @ 4am and asked them about it. Unable to lie properly the friend said hubby asked for it.

Busted!!!


The result: In the end he came clean, said he thought I would blow a gasket if he wanted to hire a stripper, which in all honesty I could not have cared less about. However, I did warn him that should he pull a stunt like that again I would: castrate him, drag his bleeding self out into the middle of the Atlantic and drop kick him in and let him swim home! I then sat down and planned the party for him.


They had a blast I might add.


Your call. Either talk it out, forget it happened, or let her go.

 

[Reaver]

Your call. Either talk it out, forget it happened, or let her go.

Thank you, Lotus. You are truly the voice of reason in a state of chaos. Your advice is truly appreciated. I wouldn't mind airing out my dirty laundry, but I don't think that this is the proper forum. In fact, I think I'm still in the denial phase. Perhaps in the next stage.

 

[The Blue Lotus]

You seem like a nice guy. I'm sorry you are having to deal with being lied to. It is hurtful. Need anything I'm always an open ear

 

[Graham Irwin]

I mean that what many people consider "reality" or "truth" is just the consensus we all agree on.

What are the senses? Why do we remember? Where do our personalities come from?

For example: The idea of solid matter is an illusion, there is always space between between electrons, neutrons, and protons.

I imagine most fantasy fans are familiar with the concept of fantasy vs. reality.

Your life is your truth. What you choose to accept is your truth.

Beyond that, it's all an illusion!

 

[The Blue Lotus]

I mean that what many people consider "reality" or "truth" is just the consensus we all agree on.

What are the senses? Why do we remember? Where do our personalities come from?

For example: The idea of solid matter is an illusion, there is always space between between electrons, neutrons, and protons.

I imagine most fantasy fans are familiar with the concept of fantasy vs. reality.

Your life is your truth. What you choose to accept is your truth.

Beyond that, it's all an illusion!

I don't think being quasi philosophical in this instance is helpful.

He came here seeking support and or help. Random thoughts on reality don't really fit the bill.

 

[Reaver]

@Lotus: Thanks...I'll keep that in mind.

@Graham Irwin: I see. You make some very valid points. The truth you're talking about is more philosophical and I happen to agree with you in that area. My question was more along the lines of "the human condition". Thanks for your input all the same.

 

[Graham Irwin]

When I feel bummed, remembering that it's all a beautiful illusion helps me feel better.

Isn't that why we like fantasy?

 

[Reaver]

When I feel bummed, remembering that it's all a beautiful illusion helps me feel better.

Isn't that why we like fantasy?

Absolutely. But unfortunately, the escape into fantasy only lasts so long. But you do make another good point.

 

[sashamerideth]

When I feel bummed, remembering that it's all a beautiful illusion helps me feel better.

Isn't that why we like fantasy?

But it isn't, philosophy is best left to scholars and academics in their ivory towers. Down on earth, our emotions are real and our lives are real.

When we are hurt by those we love, it rocks our very foundations. I haven't had my heart broken enough times, but when it has been, it can usually be tracked to dishonesty, sometimes it was mine, sometimes theirs. We can choose to work through things or cut them short and neither is an easy road.

Sent from my Blade using Forum Runner

 

[Graham Irwin]

Hey! I am an academic! Where's my ivory tower???

(don't we like towers around here?)

At the end of the day, being lied to hurts like hell, but all I'm saying is that how you choose to deal whatever your truth may be is your choice.

*to make it clear, I'm not a heartless jerk. I really truly turn to philosophy to make me feel better.

 

[Reaver]

I certainly don't think you're heartless. Philosophy can be very helpful in a lot of ways. I was just using the "chit chat" forum to get this off my chest. That's all.

 

[sashamerideth]

*to make it clear, I'm not a heartless jerk. I really truly turn to philosophy to make me feel better.

Wow, you're weird. I won't tell you what I do to feel better other than write it out of me, good sources of conflict.

Sent from my Blade using Forum Runner

 

[Graham Irwin]

Wow, you're weird. I won't tell you what I do to feel better other than write it out of me, good sources of conflict.

A fantasy enthusiast calling someone weird? I mean, I know I am, but pot kettle black, right?

Whatever happens, Reaver, be strong, brother!

There are lots of other fish in there, see? (or something like that)

 

[sashamerideth]

Author, not enthusiast.

Just thinking about one of the lies an ex told me, ruined the relationship. I'd been through worse with her but it was just one too many. She had made a habit of telling little lies often, big ones less often. This time it was a little one but it was enough.

Sent from my Blade using Forum Runner

 

[Reaver]

@Graham- Thanks, man! I'll try.

@sashamerideth- This is the first time (that I'm aware of) that she's ever lied to me...sure there were incidences of the trivial things like "did you eat the last piece of pie?" or what have you, but this time, it's a big one. Thanks for sharing.

 

[The Blue Lotus]

Reaver, PM sent.
I'm gonna run to the store but I'll brb K.
hang in there. It can't rain every day.